The past couple of days I had the joy of joys of being out on a “celeb” job, shooting pics of a well known actress….not the type of job I do too often, but now and again good fun none the less.

It was the type of job where you get to see lots of other snappers, chat industry chat, stand in the cold, (and in my almost 20years of this game a first- to receive hand warmer packs from the PR people), then stand in the cold for more hours waiting to hand over a business card to be allowed in to a press area where I can stand for another hour or two in a different area of cold. As I’ve mentioned before I only do this job for the glamour sometimes. That and the fast food diet enforced upon you occasionally, like yesterday, standing in the shade, in the cold, the bright lights of a fast food well known ubiquitous hamburger chain calling to me…so there I was eating my burger, scoffing my chips (wishing there was more salt), eyeing suspiciously a dreadful coffee thinking to myself “if i drink that now I’ll need to go pee soon, and it might be just when the pics are happening”. So the coffee went in the bin.

Back out of the bright golden arches light into the cold blue shade of the press pit. I noticed that all the male snappers were eating fast food burgers, and only one lady amongst us was eating a healthy looking salad wrap type sandwich. So, back to swapping jokes with members of the press, well to be truthful, with a non-Japanese member of the press. For some reason Japanese press snappers don’t laugh too much, not sure why (apart from WireImage, he laughs…). Laughing keeps you warm, keeps you sane, keeps you from wondering why on a Wednesday and Thursday you’re on this job in the first place.

So there we were, me and my snapper amigo ‘Catalan-jin’, laughing away, making the best of the situation, drinking from Noritake china cups bearing the insignia of The Peninsula Hotel one day, and from cardboard cups with plastic lids the next, the ups and downs, ins and outs, of the daily grind. Waiting. Waiting for The Star to arrive.

There’s a lot of hanging about in this job. Waiting in office reception areas. Waiting in the street. Waiting for journalists. Waiting. A famous photographer (whose name escapes me) once said (and I paraphrase) that “whilst you’re waiting for an image you’re missing another picture somewhere else”. I like that. So we wait. We check our focus for the hundredth time, and yes, the red carpet is still 10 feet away. It hasn’t moved. We check our flash settings, again. We fire some more frames of the PR Guy, just to check balance, to check the colours, the lights, the histograms. Forgetting of course that when The Star arrives all the other lights will go on, and one hundred camera flashes will go also, making the scene so bright that The Star can barely open her eyes. Lets just hope she doesn’t suffer from epilepsy.

And then Minor Stars begin to arrive. And there’s only one thing worse than Minor Stars and that is Japanese Minor Stars. All 200 million of them. So they arrive, they stand, they pout, the look sullen. Some of the audience get excited, but then they would as they’re only about 12 years old, on their way home from school. Half of the snappers shoot pics of the Japanese Minor Stars. Some others, major wire agencies, Catalan-jin and me, just shrug our shoulders and look at each other. Occasionally we ask the PR Guy, “who is that?”. He tells us. We’re none the wiser. Occasionally we shoot a frame of them, or as we say, we “drop a frame”, just to check our focus, to check the flash, the lights, the colours, our compositions. Waiting for The Star.

And we wait.

And then a Star arrives. Not the one we want though, but a Star none the less. And we shoot. I shoot a few frames, nothing much, nothing to get excited about. The Small Star is far away, looks cold, it’s not a picture. But I shoot some anyway, to show willing, in case my boss sees me on one of the 20plus television cameras which are around. The Small Star edges closer, could have to look busy here I think. But just as you’re thinking ok, here we go. Nope. The PR Guy pulls her back. So, standing on top of my stepladders, balancing in the cold, still swapping jokes with Catalan-jin, I wait for The Star.

Then, from behind, from the balcony above, a cheer. The Star has been spotted. I look, I see her. It’s game on. Good news, she looks the part in nice elegant cream dress. Better than the day before in her Fashion Mistake. She’s coming. This is it. Things are moving faster. The flashes are going off, but I don’t have a clear shot yet, but I bide my time. Snappers all around are on their ladders. And she’s sweeping in. Minor Stars walk in, Main Stars sweep in. Time goes faster, maybe it costs more.

And she’s there, in front of me, on the little white bit of tape that tells her where to stand. She didn’t even look down at it. She’s a pro. The Star has arrived. The Star is shining, her grin blinds me, or perhaps its the flashes bouncing off her white teeth, bouncing back at me. I hope I don’t have epilepsy. And The Star is turning, eyes left, eyes centre, eyes right, she waves to the crowd and I curse, she waves and I’m on a long lens- typical, there’s a cheer, smiles, grins, blind the snappers. It’s going so fast. Seconds are ticking away at the speed of light. The Star will only be here for seconds. The Star has bare arms and it’s cold. I’m thinking fast of what to shoot- her? , her and Small Star ?, or The Star with Small Star and Director of Both Stars ? I shoot a group, quickly, get it in the bag, then back to my 200mm with 1.4x converter. What’s the main pic here I’ve been thinking (for the past hours as I stood in the cold), and as ever I remember a story ‘Dougie Diamond’ told me….

– Cut to India, the desert of Rajasthan, a few years ago. –

Dougie Diamond, it wasn’t his real name obviously, but that’s what he was known as on a movie shoot I was working on for three months. Dougie was the focus puller. Dougie was stressed. He had crew with him who were trying his patience. Dougie was so stressed, uptight, and under extreme pressure that if you put a piece of coal up his bum it would come out again as a diamond. Or so we speculated. I liked Dougie, he was professional. He told me a story about a film sets he worked on, he’d asked the director on whom he should focus the movie camera, and the reply came “focus on the money”. If you’re not sure who to focus on, then focus on the Main Player, The Main Actor, The Main Star.

– Cut back to Cold Press Area, The Star is Burning Bright. -

So I’m on my ladder, the flashes are blinging. So I’ve the three people in front of me, and Dougie Diamond from across oceans, from where ever he is, whispers in my ear “you’ve only got seconds, focus on The Money”. So I do, I zoom in tight on The Star. I cut out the backdrop from my frame, it’s fine for tomorrows papers, but I’m not here for a tomorrows papers type pic, I want a portrait, I want a pic that looks like it was ‘Me and The Star in a room, alone for 15 minutes’. And The Star looks up at me, ‘straight down the barrel’ ( as we say), and I shoot. Then she’s looking left, looking right, looking away. She’s gone. She sweeps away.

The press scramble. There’s ladders everywhere. It’s usually at this point that a flash comes off a camera somewhere. The Star is on the carpet, she’s still shining. The Press are a mess, bodies everywhere. The Star is about to go up the stairs, stairs with a red carpet, spotlit. It’s got the makings of a classic. Cinderella Will Go To The Ball. I climb my stairs, all two of them, whilst she begins hers. I balance, I spin the shutter dial, make my exposure worthwhile. She’s going up the stairs, it’s dark. Her name rings out, frantic calls from the snappers desperate for one last fix. I shoot, and keep shooting, she waves but her back is to me. She reaches the top, she doesn’t look back. She’s gone.