I suffered some pain recently. I nearly had to sit down it was so bad. So shocking. I was hearing bad news, the worst type of news. I was lost for words, I needed air. In my moment of numbness I had to hesitate, I looked to The Lady who was with me for words of encouragement, for sympathy, for understanding. I wanted her to say “no”, to lift the shock from my shoulders, to make the sun come out again. I felt like I was betraying a friend.

To go back to the beginning- We’d been together for about four years, through thick and thin. We’d travelled, seen the world together, had experiences together. We’d walked together in the rain, we’d laughed together on sunny beaches, enjoyed the sunset in exotic lands, all hand in hand. I knew every inch of my friend’s body, I knew the sound my friend made when happy, or when in trouble. Together we’d accomplished a lot, but still there was much to do. We’d made money together and got taxi’s home, laughing, enjoying our good fortune at having met. I’d been sick and still my friend was there for me. In some places, in dubious hotels, for safety we’d even slept together.

But those days had faded, the light had dimmed. The relationship suffered, sometimes we’d argued. Occasionally I wouldn’t let my friend join me on a day of adventure. “Things change” I’d say, “it’s not the same anymore”. My friend would sit, older now, tired, making me feel guilty. “But of course I still love you” I would say, “you’ve always been my favourite”. But I would leave. The atmosphere would be heavy.

It got to the point where it couldn’t go on, it was causing us both too much pain. The time had come. All relationships run their course and why should this one be any different. So-

My moment of numbness passed, my eyes had cleared. I steadied myself, looked once more at My Lady, then I turned, I could hardly believe I was doing this. I drew myself up, stood straight, I looked the sales assistant in the eye and nodded, “ok”. I traded in my friend, for someone new. I sold my friend of four years to a man I didn’t know, to a shop I didn’t care about, and this hurt badly- I was doing it for a miserly sum of money. Now my friend is sitting on a shelf somewhere. Unloved. Looked at by others with greedy eyes, people who want a bargain.

One week later it still hurts. I wonder did I do the right thing. Doubts still linger.